Sunday, February 5, 2012
I woke up tired of the drama swirling inside me (“oh dear, will today be a ‘good’ day or a ‘bad’ day?) so I took an oxycodone (Cindy said I might!) to make sure I felt good in body and spirit. Is that cheating? I took it at 9 a.m. and now it’s 7 p.m. and just wearing off; in other words, I’m tired, dizzy, wobbly, aches and pains = the flu-like symptom side effects. Not bad, in fact minimal I would say.
Contemplative musings from yesterday:
1. Although I don’t particularly enjoy the many ‘opportunities for personal growth’ that I’m getting, I’m keenly aware of their value and give thanks.
2. I will call someone to chat with each day, and get out in public to meet and speak with someone. Setting that intention makes me feel better. Plus, Cindy said the only person to quit the treatment had isolated herself. There’s a reason solitary confinement is the worst punishment for us social animals.
3. In these first weeks of treatment, because of the daily need to consume 60 gm fat with my pills – my diet has taken several twists and turns trying to find foods that work without gaining weight. I’ve tried a lot of different food combinations and now it’s back to lean meats, using flax seed oil for all the fats – emulsified with applesauce. I shopped today for the week and prepared some chicken vegetable soup tonight. Spinach frittata and liver and onions are on the week’s menu. Cans of baby clams, also for the iron, will be served as cerviche. More veggies and fruits. No dairy, no wheat. I had eliminated them before but temporarily lost my senses.
ITCHING UPDATE: Last night after I took my shower and put on my robe, my chest and legs began to radiate heat and I started itching all over. This had happened Friday night but to a lesser degree, resulting in my not being able to get to sleep for hours. This time I connected it with the robe, which is polyester. Instructions are to only wear natural fabrics! Gee, I have a hard time remembering all I’m supposed to. The red robe is packed away and it’s cotton PJs now.
FRIDAY NIGHT BREAKDOWN: I heard from several friends, each one had their own version about what I said/meant in my post. Reminds me of what Byron Katie says, “It’s none of my business what you think of me.” And Anais Nin, “We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.” And the story about 10 people witnessing a traffic accident and reporting 10 different versions of what happened, many of which had no similarities to any of the others. There are infinite possibilities, yet we tend to project onto each experience thoughts formed, brain connections made during similar prior experiences. Landmark Education says that to see the world as it is and to become aware of the infinite possibilities, we need to take the past out of our future. I like that idea!
I’m so excited! Tuesday at 7 a.m. I finish THREE WEEKS of treatment and at 3 p.m. begin MY FOURTH WEEK! A week later I have a blood test for the viral load to see what effect the treatment has had to date.