I had a meltdown last night – too much in the head about it all. After talking with my niece Kathy in Arkansas for an hour, I was in a different space. I felt better, happier, stronger, lighter.
I want to acknowledge and thank Bee Epstein-Shepherd for her help before and during this treatment. I’ve had just two sessions in her beautiful Carmel Valley home and three telephone consultations, receiving two self-hypnosis tapes from her, one for reaching my ideal weight, and the other for not accepting nor believing negative thoughts about my Hep C treatment side effects. With Bee, I’ve been able to accomplish more than I thought possible when I sought her out. She has facilitated changes in my inner landscape, which have allowed me to overcome lifelong fears and habits. I’ve been impressed with her sensitivity and work ethic. Every one of my requests she has honored immediately with her time and attention, even doing Internet research on my illness to better understand what I need and so supply it. I recommend her to anyone seeking to reach those recesses of the subconscious, the command post of our lives. [Studies in neuroscience maintain that we live 95% of our lives from our subconscious. Read David L. Brooks’ “The Social Animal.”]
Each day now is a minute by minute flow from one unusual and uncomfortable bodily sensation to another. Powerful drugs are at work and the changes revolve around pill taking times and my weekly shot. Last night, Tuesday the 24th, I gave myself the first shot in my belly by myself. I was nervous laying out the supplies: syringe (let warm up from fridge, but not too much; check expiration date; check for particles in it (IF THERE ARE ANY PARTICLES,DON’T USE!!!); needle in plastic case; medical waste disposal box [thank God no skull and crossbones on it]; and step by step directions, which I’d highlighted here and there for tricky sounding instructions for getting the Pegasys into me. Cindy said the 48hrs after the shot are the worst for flu-like symptoms, but I haven’t had any other than being a little tired.
I think I’m tired because I’ve been so on edge getting this right even though I wasn’t consciously aware of being that way.
Tomorrow, Thursday, I drive to Pacific Grove for appointments with clients and a 2hr seminar on social networking (what was I thinking to sign up for that? Usually at these things I know more than the presenters). I can always leave early. Going to Heidi’s for dinner and overnight. Friday with her to yoga, lunch, coffee with Robert Andersen, go to Dr. Arnold’s office for acupuncture for the still horrendous self-induced rash, then to Monica in Oak Hills for an infusion ordered by Dr. Press to plump up my cells. Ah, the round of doctors and drugs. I’m grateful for their help.
I’m beginning to understand why Cindy said this would be a different way of being for six months. The longevity of it may be the major factor. I finish on July 3 – Independence Day for me on July 4th.