Today I made peace with the possibility of the Hep C treatment not working. (Next Tuesday I take an 8-week viral load test; at the 12 week blood test, treatment could be terminated if viral load is not at zero. When I started the treatment, the viral load was 3,600,000; at 4 weeks it had come down to just 444 – is expected to be zero. If my treatment is terminated, I’ve still slowed down the progression of the disease. Plus there are less stressful treatments being tested that I could conceivably try in a few years.)
Stress surrounding the treatment up and left at that point: I believe I will be healed; I’ll continue doing all I can; I trust and let it go.
After that physical, emotional, and mental release, I enjoyed an hour-long conversation with my wise and dear friend, Donna Love, who helped me sort out a few things. I told her my new mantra was to forget thinking and to live from the heart and the gut.
The day was shaping up nicely. I felt like crap but was otherwise content.
Kept busy for the next few hours: Via e-email Donna and I firmed up and she made reservations for a week-long October train trip to Winslow, AZ where she’ll sell her book and I’ll sell my book publishing services; happily went shopping for the week’s food and visited with friends Lois, Sally, and Clara; updated the women’s stories on the womenofalamosmexico.com blog; watered my indoor plants and those in the back yard; organized my supplements in the weekly dispenser; I spoke with my sister Shirley for more than an hour and was pleased with her post-op progress.
About 3 p.m. I collapsed in my big chair to meditate, count my blessings, and ask again “what else is possible in my life?”
Immediately I ‘received’ comprehensive, detailed and definitive guidance for my book outline, plot points, character development, and cover graphics—all of which together depict the ‘whole’ of my existence as I am being allowed to see it. A complete picture came tumbling out with no thought, seemingly out-of-the-blue.
I understood the last eight weeks have been, among other things, a period of gathering information and waiting while my subconscious did its work of making sense of my extensive research and ideas, then gave me a plan for what I asked to reveal through this work.
I ‘saw’ composite/collage gilt-framed pictures of the stories of my life from before physical manifestation/birth (ancestors/dna) to on-going development of the meaning of my life based on the other four factors (identified by David Brooks in his book, The Social Animal: sensory/neuroscience/neuro-linguistic programming). I saw a flow chart of how it all comes together.
These are the ‘living, morphing pictures’ that hang on the walls of my mind, visuals of the stories of who I tell myself I am, what I believe, what’s real, etc.
The work was laid out before me. I wrote pages of notes of the organization details of my book work ahead. Now the good work truly begins. I’ll keep you posted.